did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
