An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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