I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
