I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
