I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
