You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Semen is not good for contacts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
