Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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