Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
