My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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