She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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