Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
