I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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