We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
