All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
