i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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