Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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