So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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