OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
