And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
