I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
