i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Enjoy the penises
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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