somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
