Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
