GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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