The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
