It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
