My liver just broke up with me...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
