So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
