Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
