Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
