i don't like sucking hair
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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