He asked me if I "almost moaned"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
