I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
