Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
