so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
