who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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