I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
