Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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