He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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