he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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