apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
