I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
