Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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