He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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