A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
