If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
