Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
