My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
