Barsexuality is the new black.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
