Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
