If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
