You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
