i just google imaged poop.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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