Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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