just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
