the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well you can't waste a boner
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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