i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
