She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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