my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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