I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
