Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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