I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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