next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
