He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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