remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
