That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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