At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
